Foster Civil Discourse & Reduce Polarization
How To Stop Arguing
Average citizens can reduce polarization and constant arguments. We can improve our health and happiness. The steps below can increase self-awareness of our own roles in our argument culture, and fix situations in which distance and lack of communication seem to be the only answer. Empowered by knowledge and intentional acts, we can model and enjoy the change we want to see in our communities and throughout the country.
The USA is a great nation who needs to heal. Kitchen Table Talk has compiled methods that show how to reduce polarization and improve communities.
Step Away From The Screen
Technological advances are both a blessing and a curse. Social media, television, and 24-7 news creates a too-fertile breeding ground for polarization, disinformation, misinformation, fake news, and stoking anger.
Read something online that upsets you and confirms what you already believe?
Click and forward or re-post. Off that item goes, often spreading falsehood, fury, and hate among compatriots.
The answer is to unplug and spend less time looking at screens, and more time talking and listening to others and building real-world connections. We will be happier and healthier according to the Mayo Clinic and so will the country, if we all cut down on our screen time.
Try The Mayo Clinic’s Slim Your Screen Time Challenge.
Five Steps To Rid Your Life (And Others’) of Polarizing Anger-Provoking “News”
Turn off your phone, computer, or TV for a regular period of time every day.
Increase the time and occasions of unplugging as much as you can.
Silence alerts from email, texts, and news while you are online and working.
Don’t retweet or forward anything unless you are sure it’s true. If it can’t be verified, has no source, or is obviously just “rumor”, don’t forward or like, and consider removing the source of the item from your life.
Create a tech-free zone in your house. Get used to knowing what that feels like again.
“Kitchen Table Talk”
A discussion between family (e.g. cousins) or close friends at a table or other private setting, where the two (or more) of you can have completely open, often deep, conversation. . . What happens at the kitchen table, stays at the kitchen table.
Kitchen Table Talk’s approach: promoting honest and respectful exchanges through informal or formal conversations. Discussions about the situation in the United States, which both sides of the political spectrum agree is poor, can become civil and productive. Each positive, or a least not unpleasant interaction, will beget future positive interactions, spreading a better way to interact. Polarization will diminish.
Use these rules to create your own kitchen table talk. Respect and goodwill will grow over time, replacing the negative dynamic of political arguments to which we’ve all become accustomed.
Guide For A Formal Kitchen Table Talk:
How To Have Productive, Pleasant Conversations Even When You Disagree
Host invites people to have a discussion.
The host facilitates the discussion and lays out groundrules.
There are no right or wrong ideas.
Everybody has a contribution to make.
The host encourages participants to listen, to ask clarifying questions, and to try to avoid arguing or interrupting.
One person can record the discussion topics in writing and any consensus or points on which the participants have agreed to disagree.
Everybody should get a chance to share, and be heard and acknowledged.
The host can provide topics or the group can decide on topics to discuss.
That’s it!
You can use the same guidelines for civil conversation in all types of exchanges, and informal “kitchen table talks” as well. Remember to pause and inquire rather than rebut and argue, particularly when you feel “triggered”.
LOWER THE TEMPERATURE, REDUCE POLARIZATION, INCREASE COOPERATION, AND FOSTER LEARNING
Ten Ways To Have A Non-Confrontational Discussion With Someone You Don’t Agree With
Begin with pleasantries- build a relationship first.
Find common ground- what can you agree on?
Notice anger signs- is the temperature rising? If so, breathe, and make a conscious decision to stay calm and not argue.
Don’t take anything personally or make personal attacks. But if someone insults you (“anybody with half a brain . . .”), note that they have just said you have half a brain and ask them to to stick to the issues and promise to do the same.
Don’t formulate a response as they are talking, even if something they said makes your blood boil. Just try to take in the other person’s view.
Ask questions, particularly about what in their personal experience leads them to feel this way.
Share any personal experiences that relate to the issue.
Ask where they got their “facts” from and on the scale of 1 to 10 how confident they are that they are true; if not that confident, may be open to investigating together whether it’s true.
Change the goal from winning (you won’t) to learning.
Agree to disagree and be pleasant about your differences and call it a win if you have listened to the other person and/or had a civil exchange.
HOW TO INVESTIGATE IF NEWS, CLAIM, OR RUMOR IS TRUE
Assume nothing is true, until and unless you can verify it
Pause and use critical, lateral thinking in evaluating claim
Consider the source and perform fact checking on claim
Look for sources rated “least biased” and highly reliable
Bookmark fact-checking sites factcheck.org and Snopes
Ask us; we’ll check it out
Let us know how it went in your attempt to reduce polarization.
Send your success stories to us, with any lessons learned or suggestions on how we can “talk better”.
